Why Erotic Love is not Unconditional

"...through your five senses you are attracted to the other person by the way s/he looks, smells, sounds, feels to you and makes you feel, and even how s/he takes (kisses, and so forth)"

Dear friends,

Erotic love, a relationship that is based upon sexual intimacy, can never be unconditional as, say, love between a parent and child, or two or more siblings, because it is based upon conditions that are difficult to maintain (please see Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving"). For example, through your five senses you are attracted to the other person by the way s/he looks, smells, sounds, feels to you and makes you feel to him or her, and even how s/he tastes (kisses, and so forth). Yet, even then, as we have feelings about anything, there are conflicting feelings at the same time .

Moreover, the standards for either familial or close friend relations are not so scrutinized. Worse yet, in a market-driven society such as ours, there seems to be a tendency for individuals who live in such a social formation that requires people to always be looking for the “latest model”, whether dealing with human beings or nonhuman consumables like cars and clothes. Hence, we are witnessing shorter and shorter lengths of time that couples are staying in erotic love relationships today, because people desire a “new” lover/latest model, just as much as they want nonhuman consumable like car s,clothes. and so forth.

Of course, all of this mentioned above has been made more evident than ever with the market construct that began in the 80s which turned homosexuality away from its rightful diagnosis as a mental health problem to an alleged "gay culture" that is not based upon a reproductive process - like that of African American, Latino, Indigenous, Asian, or European-American cultures, but simply refers to an increased availability of consumables (gay nightclubs, gay magazines, gay marriage, gay this, gay that, etc.). Let's face it. People, "famous" or otherwise, who feel that they need attention are now coming out of the woodwork (not the closet) claiming that they are gay/the latest model.

Perhaps, as we continue to evolve as a species we will all be able to appreciate our fellows within the context of our/their humanity, as opposed to using each other as a means to an end, by seeing each other as objects for consumption. For then, it seems, at least to me, that having unconditional love for a girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband will not be so difficult, since the love will be based upon showing care and concern for, trying to understand, and feeling responsible towards that special person in a committed way, and not surrendering to the illusion called "ego"that makes us "want" something, just so that we can say that we have it.

One Love, One Heart, One Spirit !

G. Djata Bumpus