In light of the recent Sarah Palin spectacle, how can you teach your daughter that she is equal to everyone else in capabilities, based upon the reality that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses?
Dr. Namandje Ne'fertiti Bumpus
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Dear friends,
In light of the recent Sarah Palin spectacle, how can you teach your daughter that she is equal to everyone else in capabilities, based upon the reality that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses?
The first thing that you have to do is start teaching her to be comfortable with making judgments and decisions. As human beings, we are always making judgments, just to walk up a flight of stairs, or put the "right" amount of food on a fork, for that matter.
Nevertheless, ours is a sexist society that deliberately has its institutions set up to make girls and women feel inferior, so that men can have a false sense of superiority and, thus, hide their insecurities and inadequacies. Yet, those inner fears of males have a great deal to do with murder, lecherous greed, and other insults that people impose on one another that are so rampant in human civilization.
Therefore, as her father, you must give your daughter(s) the space to take chances and make judgments on her own, instead of doing everything for her or babying her. These days, there are many activities, including various games and sports that she can play and, simultaneously, gain confidence in her ability to make good choices.
What happens far too often, unfortunately, is: Many men tend to pamper their daughters to the point where the latter feel insecure about decision-making, because their “Daddy” always takes care of everything. By her teenage years, she meets some knucklehead who is trying to impress her by “taking charge – and care - of her”. The girl becomes comfortable with that, because she learned that a little whining or whatever she did to manipulate her father gets her whatever it is that she wants. Then, for whatever reason, the boy does not deliver. Or, even worse, gets her involved in something that alters the direction of her life. Before long, she begins to feel that every time she makes a decision, it is the “wrong” one. Next, comes the depression, distrust for others, alcohol, pills and other drugs, as she tries to run from herself. Meanwhile, she continues to find herself in relationships where someone else makes the decisions (e.g., spending money) for her.
The other day, during a phone conversation with my middle child (now adult) and oldest daughter who is a professor and medical scientist at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, she mentioned that even while doing sports, many young girls are afraid to take chances. She gave an example about having to deal with that when she coached a young girl's basketball team a few years back, and how the boys would dive after the loose ball, but the girls (often having been told to not "scrape up" their knees by their mothers) would just let the ball roll right by them. I asked her to write it down, and this is what she had to say, below:
The point I was making was not about them not wanting to scrape their knees. I don't think they even thought that far ahead because it was such a programmed response, and it has nothing to do with that. It is so much bigger than that, and to say that they didn't dive for simple fear of scraping their knees is much like saying (as you always taught me) that celebrating Black History Month is only about noting the accomplishments and inventions of individuals.
It is a minor thread of an intricately woven fabric. It has to do with creating this distinct line between how girls (women) and how boys (men) are supposed to act with respect to their roles in society. It is complete nonsense. To say that a man should be paying for something because he is male and it is his job is to accept that women should also play into the role of being less capable.
Gender is much different than sex and we have to eliminate it. Sex is, of course, biologically relevant but gender roles are social constructions that are completely out-dated. We cannot be okay with getting rid of some and not getting rid of others. Instead of this idea of what a "man" is or a "woman" is, which means nothing, we all need to be viewed simply as human beings with the ability and responsibility to contribute equally to society.
Particular interactions and relationships, therefore, must be governed by principles. They should not be connected by gender-related expectations. For instance , equal pay for equal work and the acknowledgment that decisions regarding monetary contributions to the household should be based on financial health and strength and not gender. There are obvious biological differences between males and females. Certainly, males and females are not the same. However, those differences have no bearing on my ability or responsibility with regard to paying a mortgage, dinner bill or engaging in service to my community and society.
Those are my thoughts, basically; you have heard it before.
Namandje
Thanks, Dr. Bumpus. Enough said.
Peace & Love,
G. Djata Bumpus
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