Some thoughts from a Father about Raising your Daughters and "Equality"

Dr. Namandje Bumpus (left) with sister Tia (MD/PhD candidate)

Dear friends,

Being the same has nothing to do with equality, when we are speaking about the rights of either a person or all people to be treated “equally”. The idea of “sameness as being equal” is the intellectual basis upon which systems of oppression like racism and sexism flourish.

Consequently, a person does not have to run as fast as you, jump as high as you, lift as much weight as you, fist-fight as good as you, or have as much money as you, to be equal to you. Do ya feel me?

You are, in fact, equal, because you are both human individuals. Moreover, if you compare any individual with yourself, you will find: 1) You each require food and drink, in periodic intervals, and then must expel the waste from those activities, or you will cease to exist in the form of a living being. 2) You each feel lonely and separate, as individual beings, even when you are sleeping beside someone, because even then , you still must sleep on your own; that is, no one can do that for you. 3) No matter how few or many, you each have physical, mental, and emotional shortcomings. Every single person does. 4) You can each do well at one thing, but do poorly at some other activity. That is why you are equal to everyone, and everyone is equal to you. That simple truism, especially, includes the mother(s) of your child(ren). It is extremely important that you appreciate that notion, because if your child sees her mother treated as an equal, she will expect that same kind of treatment for herself - from others, when she is grown, and, therefore, be less likely to hook up with some knucklehead who will mess her life up.

Obviously, as it is for a boy, the way that a girl is raised will have a great deal to do with how well she fares in life as an adult. Yet, unfortunately, starting when they are very young, most girls are raised in a way that makes them feel that they should use manipulation and deceit, by being allowed to cry and whine, and so forth, in order to get what they want in life. Boys are not raised that way. Instead, boys are treated differently. They are told not to cry (as I insisted not only for my son, but my daughters too).

The crying and whining teaches them nothing about positive, sincere interaction with another person, especially a boy or a man. That means that they will not, like boys, learn social skills that will make them not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, self-sufficient. Consequently, far too often, girls are socialized to ignore their need to develop skills that will allow them to acquire whatever they need or want without having to depend on the gullibility and insecurities of boys and men. And these days, with the confusing concept of “sexual identity” in vogue, other girls and women are even included in that equation, that is, using other females as means to their ends, as well.

So, my main point here is: From the moment that they come into this world, always think of your daughters as - and teach them to be - physically-, mentally-, and emotionally-capable human beings who both recognize and use their inner powers like discipline, concentration, memory, and responsibility, to name a few, so that they will be able to accomplish goals on their own, thus controlling and determining their own destinies. They are, after all, equal to everyone else. Dig? Peace.

G. Djata Bumpus